It's Coming

Whether I like it or not, my birthday is coming. It arrives on Sunday, September 14. I've decided to celebrate it by throwing a party. I really don't know if I'll actually be celebrating the birthday or just using the party as a distraction.

It took me a while to decide what kind of party to have. I've always wanted an 80's party, but I felt like a 70's party would be more appropriate since I was born in '78. I'll do the 80's party another time. I am going to have me an 80's party someday gosh darn it!

I wasn't overly thrilled with the idea of a 70's party until I started doing some internet research to find out about the fashion, decor, and food that were popular. I'm all into it now. There were so many different clothing styles back then. I found several outfits, mainly dresses, on ebay and on etsy that would suit me. The problem was picking the perfect one. I finally came across a dress on ebay that is disco-era in style but the print has more of a hippie vibe. I found great 70's glasses on etsy from flowerbedhead.com. I'm wearing them in this picture. I have worn them out a couple of times since I received them. I know they probably look ridiculous, but they are so much fun. I forgot how much I enjoy playing dress-up.

When I went home to visit my parents a couple of weekends ago, I found some great 70's clothes that belonged to my grandmother. I'm considering making wardrobe changes during the party so I can show off all of the great looks.

So essentially I'm having some fun planning this party. Cleaning the house has not been fun, but I have gotten my craft supplies more organized than they have ever been. I still have some cleaning to do before tomorrow, and I still have to make some food decisions. I will probably go with pizza since everyone loves pizza and all I have to do is order it online. I was going to prepare some dishes that were popular during the 70's, but that is just too much trouble. And, it didn't sound all that appetizing. Jello was big, so I'm going to make homemade Jello shots. I found a box of 70's candy at Cracker Barrel that I'm going to stuff in a pinata.

I found several 70's items at an antique mall to use for decoration. I have rented a karaoke machine and a mirror ball. We will eat, drink, sing, dance, and by all means watch the Bama game. Roll Tide! I just hope to goodness they win so Lee won't be in a bad mood. I know it's just a game, but try convincing him.

Well, if my 30th birthday is not really the end of the world, I'll be posting some pictures from the party.

Until then.

Deuce

Poor Deuce. Anni hogs everything. When I take Anni on walks, people stop (even those driving by in their cars) to tell me how cute she is. This just doesn't happen with Deuce. You know what? He is just as adorable. I mean look at that face.

Deuce is a pretty laid back dude. His energy level is much, much lower than Anni's. They both get excited to see me and any other human that approaches, but Deuce usually shows his excitement while sitting down. His tail wags and his eyes light up. Anni just cannot sit still. She wiggles. It's mostly her back end that wiggles, but she is moving sideways, forwards and backwards the whole time. It is hilarious every time I see it. And she always has to include Deuce by backing up into him. He sits there as her tail whacks him in the face. When anyone comes close to them, though, they both jump up in a frenzy.

Deuce learns things faster than Anni. Maybe it's because he is calm enough to digest it. After I had them for a couple of days, I began teaching "sit". I worked with them both individually. Deuce had it that day. Anni just would not focus. She picked it up within the next couple of days by following Deuce's lead. It wasn't clear to me at that point who was top dog. Deuce was also the first one to learn "drop it." The funny thing is that I didn't teach it to him. I would say "drop it" when he would pick up something on our walks, but I didn't do any real training. I had been using "give" as a command for them to release things, but it wasn't effective. I was amazed when he actually dropped something for the first time. Anni has gotten this down too, except that sometimes she immediately picks back up what she has dropped. Both pups can be sneaky sometimes by dropping some of what they pick up and keeping the rest. Those little devils.

You may be curious as to what they grab. Here are the most common things: sticks, pine cones, leaves, and newspapers. It is not the freshly delivered papers that are still rolled up nicely in their plastic sleeves that interrupt our walks, but papers that people fail to pick up. Although for some reason the plastic is gone. These papers have been driven over, rained on and who knows what else. The dogs love them. I wish people would pick up their darn papers!

Deuce can be a real stubborn ass. He wants to move when he wants to move. You say "let's go" and give a little tug on the leash and Anni is with you. I'm scared I'm going to choke Deuce, because he plants his feet into the ground and no matter how hard I pull he doesn't budge. He just looks up at me defiantly from under the wrinkles caused by the collar moving up the back of his head. Most of the time he is rooting around like a pig when his resists. When I take them out to "go potty", the three of us hurriedly move from the garage to the front lawn. Anni goes right into the grass and pees, but Deuce comes to a halt right before leaving the pavement. Then he slowly steps onto the grass and does his business. When we take walks he is bad about walking ahead of me and pulling the leash. I've been working with both pups from the beginning to curb this behavior, but Deuce has regressed. If I tighten the slack of the leash and hold him close to my side, he just pulls sideways. I watched his sideways pull while my husband was walking him, and the scene looked like a V-8 commercial.

Deuce has another quirk (bad habit) that I fortunately do not have to deal with. When my neighbors come over to visit the pups, Deuce drops a little pee. When my husband touches him, he pees. Sometimes all Lee has to do is talk to him and he waterworks begin. And it's not just a little sprinkle here and there. With Lee it is often a steady stream. I can't figure out where he is keeping all of that pee. And, well, I do have to deal with it because I usually have to clean up the mess. At least I'm not the one getting peed on. I love Deuce. He is my stubborn little pee-pee head.

I must report that my walks with Deuce the last few days have been fabulous. For starters, he is actually walking some distance. He usually puts the brakes on pretty soon into our walk. He hasn't been pulling as much, picking up as much, and he continues to follow the "drop it" command. Good boy!

Anni Comes First

I saw Anni first that fateful morning at the gas station in Winston County, AL. Deuce followed behind her like, well, a little puppy. Anni still comes first. It didn't take long for me to realize that she was top dog.

If someone approaches them while they are in their exercise pen, they will excitedly jump up to receive attention (yeah, we are working on this). But don't even think you will be able to reach out to Deuce, because Anni will push him down so that she can get the attention. The other day my neighbor came over to give them some love. Once Deuce had his front paws up against the side of the pen, Anni came from behind, wrapped her front legs around his neck and pulled him back.

Anni is always the first one out of the pen and the first one to fetch any toy that I provide. If Deuce has something that she wants, he might as well go ahead and give it up. I am so glad that I have two puppies that can entertain each other and learn socialization skills from one another. They do a lot of play fighting. Anni is usually the instigator. Walking them at the same time, even around our yard, can be a nightmare. First we are walking along just fine, and then Anni will lunge at Deuce and wrap her teeth around one of his back legs. Here we go. She has let him know that she wants to play. After he breaks away, she bows down on her front legs (a universal and more polite way of saying, "Hey, let's play" in doggy language) and the fun begins...for them, not for me. She starts running and he follows. She can't go far due to the leash, so she begins running circles around me. I become a human carousel until I can reign them both in. A few days ago I was attempting to walk them both down the street before dinner time. Somehow Anni got away from me. We were near the corner of our street and another, where there is usually plenty of traffic around this time of day. She did her "let's play" routine, but this time she was able to run big circles around us (I still had control of Deuce). She would come almost close enough to be caught and then would take off again. She ran up into a neighbor's yard, then she continued her circular bolt out into the street. I just knew she was going to get run over. I was panicking, Deuce was encouraging her, and I'm sure any neighbor witnessing this was having a good laugh.

Sometimes the puppy playing escalates into aggression. I think Deuce gets fed up with Anni's attacks and starts to put the smack down on her. He is several pounds heavier, so he could easily dominate her physically. She, being top dog, does not like this one bit. She growls, shows her teeth, and looks rather vicious. Sometimes she does this when they haven't even been playing. I have eliminated most of this lately by putting Anni first. I read in one of my many puppy books that when you give attention to dog number two first, it upsets the balance. You are reordering their hierarchy. This applies to petting, walking, giving treats or toys, etc... If I pet Anni first, she supposedly gets frustrated and Deuce becomes confused.

Now, I make sure to pet Anni first. When I give them treats, ice, or toys, I present her with them first. When I take them separately for walks or just sit down with them to give them affection, the order doesn't really matter. But if Anni is in her pen and I place Deuce in there with her, I must give her attention (even if she has already been on a walk, etc...) or she will attack him. Yep, that's the adorable Anni that has been chosen to be featured on The Daily Puppy. Poor Deuce.

The Daily Puppy

The team at The Daily Puppy e-mailed me to ask if it would be o.k. to feature Anni on their site. They think she is "adorable". To me, both my puppies are equally adorable. I'll keep everyone posted on what day Anni will be making her debut. I am a proud momma right now.

Not My Fannypack

Check out what I just came across--a dog fannypack. This is not my kind of fannypack.

The Fannypack

Getting the Fannypack

Yes, I own a fannypack. It's an item that is so functional yet so uncool. The name even sounds uncool (who even says "fanny." Maybe it would be cooler if we called it a buttpack, bumpack, or even asspack. Well, those names just make me think of those padded garments that you can slip on under your clothes to give you a bum like J Lo. I think they even make jeans that have these pads built right in). If you want to go in style, buy a backpack, a purse or something, but by all means avoid the fannypack. In the past, I refused to even consider wearing one, even when visiting the places where these hideous items are commonplace and acceptable-- amusement parks.

So why do I now own one that I usually put on at least once daily? Yep, it's because of the pups. After I got the puppies, I quickly realized that I would need to take something with me on walks to hold dog treats and bags for poop. I immediately thought of a fannypack. And where could I find one? A thrift store. I love, love, love thrift stores. Some of my favorite clothes are secondhand. And purses--thrift stores have great selections. I'm not really a purse-to-match- every-outfit kind of girl, but I've made a vow to myself to hit the thrift stores instead of the malls when I do feel the rare need to pick up a cute little handbag.

On my visit to look for other stuff I could use for the dogs, I found my thrift store fannypack. It was originally a Wal-Mart fannypack. Yes, I can usually tell where items come from by looking at the label. My fannypack is by No Boundaries. Lots of stuff from Wal-mart and Target to be found at thrift stores. It's amazing how much better these clothes look on thrift store racks than on Wal-Mart racks. I love casual linen skirts and pants, and most of the ones I find at thrift stores say White Stag on the label--another Wal-Mart brand. Why do I even look at the tag, you ask? I'm not a brand name kind of girl. It's the fit I'm concerned with. Let's face it, a skirt from Wal-Mart is generally not going to be as flattering as a skirt from Talbots or Ann Taylor (other brands I often find at thrift stores). I must admit, though, that I am quite proud of myself when I can find something in my size from the Banana Republic or J. Crew collections at Good Will.

It was in good shape (the fannypack if you've forgotten after my digression), it was black (my choice color for almost anything from shoes and clothes, to backpacks, cd cases, laptop bags, notebooks, etc...), and it was $2.99. Perfect! It has several compartments. I place the treats in the front pocket, poop bags and a tennis ball in the next compartment, and my car keys and a travel water bowl in the next. I'm set to unfashionably walk my puppies.

What it Means

Ok, I own a fannypack. I know it's not a big deal. I know it doesn't define who I am, but it does represent a change in my life. There have been lots of changes, but I don't think I have payed much attention to them. Maybe I have been in denial. The fannypack helped me see that my priorities have changed or have been ignored. Putting the fannypack on brought even more home. It's hard to deny how big around your middle has gotten when you are wrapping something around it.

I am not 20 anymore. I am not 25. I am 29, at least for a few more weeks. Whoa! I am really an adult now. Yes, it is truly a bit shocking for me. I do feel and look older, and I guess I act older, but I'm having a hard time facing it head on. So many things are now adding up. I'm no longer confused about which section of the department store to shop in. In my mid twenties it was hard to find clothes that suited me. Should I shop in the junior's section? Well I was still young, but I was no Brittany Spears. Low-rise jeans paired with short, tight shirts were an impossibility for me. So, I'd head on over to the misses/ladies' dept. Old. Everything in that section just looked "old" to me, and most of it looked as though it was going to hide the great body that I still had at the time. I was walking near the clothes my mom wears for crying out loud! Where were the cute, age-appropriate yet young and flattering clothes? Oh, at the front of the store. Name brands with high price tags. What is a girl to do? Now, the junior's section is not even on my radar. I've become adept at finding the cute stuff in the ladies' department. And I must face the fact that what I find cute now may be something I thought a few years ago was only for "old" people.

If I sit on the floor for even a few minutes, I know that the first few steps I take are not going to be pretty. The same is true if I sit on one of my legs. I was browsing through some photos a couple of days ago that were taken at a wedding reception down in New Orleans in June. All the girls (face it, women) had on cute little dresses and all the guys looked quite handsome with their shirts tucked in. We were dancing, drinking, and just having a good time sitting around chatting. We had an even better time when we took our night-long journey down Bourbon Street. We were young, fun, and sexy. Of course the next morning we didn't feel so great. As I looked at these photos, I said to myself, "We look 'old'!" Here were full-fledged grown-ups. These are like the grown-ups I used to see when I would flip through my parent's photo albums as a kid.

Again, I know it is not a big deal--the fannypack or growing older. Now, I've just got to wrap that fannypack around my fat stomach and head into my new-found adulthood with purpose, positivity, and puppies.

Finding Puppies and Finding Myself

Finding Puppies:

Tuesday, July 8, 2008 was my second wedding anniversary. I had just hit the road to go back home after an amazing 4th of July weekend (husband stayed at home...heh, heh, that is not why my weekend was so great). My weakness (ok, addiction) for early morning biscuits brought me into the first gas station/grocery I came to. While in line, I saw the cutest puppy walk by the door. Then another. I commented on how cute they were, and the woman behind the counter said, "Take 'em with ya!" My reply: "I wish I could, but my husband would kill me."

Out to the car I went, sausage biscuit, Coke (another addiction), and water in hand. One of those cute puppies came right up to me, and of course, I bent down to pet it. Mi-staaaaake! (one of my favorite lines from Scrubs). Both puppies then headed to the truck (my husband's) and made themselves right at home underneath. I stood around and thought about whether I should go ahead and put them in the truck. I decided I couldn't leave them there, fearing they would go into the highway and get run over. I told the woman inside that I was taking them, and off we went.

I called my husband on the way home and told him about them. He didn't sound that upset. I was waiting for mention of divorce papers. Of course, I had not gotten my hopes up about keeping them. I assumed that I would keep them until I found a good home for them. Well, obviously we kept them, although Lee (my husband...no sense using "husband" all the time) still hasn't said, "Yes, you can keep them." I'm keeping them. And he hasn't killed me yet. Lee even came up with their great names in honor of the day I found them. Anni, short for anniversary, and Deuce for two. After his first trip to the vet (Deuce, not Lee), we discovered Deuce was a pretty ironic name. Bless his heart, only one of his testicles could be found.

Finding Myself:

For more than a year now, I've been feeling like I'm not living the life I want to live or should be living--that I'm not really being me. I've discovered that my identity is not grounded in reality. I think I am still seeing myself as I was, or was becoming, back in college. My life is not what I had hoped it would be. I tend to be a very idealistic person, but I am not living up to my ideals. Don't get me wrong, in so many ways my life is wonderful. I am very lucky to have a loving, supporting family and a wonderful husband. I am just not living a life that is as fulfilling as I know it could be.

In a little over a month, on September 14, I will be 30. Thirty! This has made me think even more about the direction my life is taking. The great 4th of July weekend I mentioned earlier was spent with almost all of my best friends and other like-minded individuals. We hung out at a lake where we swam, played cards, paddled around in paddle boats and a kayak, and just simply enjoyed each other's company. It is kind of a yearly tradition, but all of us have not been present the last couple of years.

I made all of these friends while in college. I don't think any of us is exactly where we thought we would be at this point in our lives. What sets me apart is the fact that I am not actively working to attain the life I envision. One of my friends is working on finishing his dissertation so he can attain his goal of receiving his doctorate. My best friend had the good fortune to find a job in her home town with an organization she has worked for the last few years. It is not the exact path she set out on (she took a five-year detour to California), but she is establishing a career while doing something she is passionate about. Another friend has had a steady career since graduation, but recently her social network has expanded and she is playing as hard as she works.

I don't work. Nor do I play. I am just here. I am here in a city (suburb) that was not of my choosing. I am in a house that doesn't really feel like a home. My friends are at least over an hour away, and I do not see them very often. I have not established steady friendships in this place. My social network here consists of my husband's friends. I have yet to find the right position with the right organization or company. At the end of my life, or even ten years from now, I do not want to feel as if I missed out on a life I could have had. Don't worry, I have no plans to pack my bags, say goodbye to my husband and ride off into the sunset in search of myself. The realization that I need to become the best that I can be right where I am struck me that 4th of July weekend. The time is now. I'm almost thirty for crying out loud!

This blog is about my journey to create a new lifestyle for myself (and my husband). It is about the two puppies I rescued after a momentous weekend. It is about rescuing myself.